(+5 rating, 1 votes)Classic IRS letting you know the truth about the current job market.
VERSE 1:
- First off, thank you for your interest in this application,
- About a post at our establishment that’s staying vacant,
- The present guy’s getting sacked ‘cause he’s slack and he’s late in,
- Think you got what it takes? Got the knack to replace him?
- OK. Let me tell you what we’re after – a grafter,
- A slave staying faithful to his master,
- Someone with people skills will meet the bill,
- The type to work all day with no lunch break for eating meals,
- We want Yes Men; we want the best-dressed,
- Who work hard, stay fresh and never get stressed,
- The best candidate, no kids, no wife,
- Who care more about their jobs than they do about their own life,
- The type to make us goldmines,
- No socialising, doing spread sheets in their own time,
- The type to get sales, but never rude or their breath smells,
- And it’s important that they’re fluent in Excel.
- And Microsoft Office, the type that’s not ****,
- Professional at making us a tidy top profit,
- So… nothing to lose, apply my friend, just send your application to the right address.
CHORUS:
- Just show me the money!
- That’s all I want,
- From this never ending hell that I call a job.
- The taxmen are taking it from me,
- I only do it ‘cause it pays the bills,
- Forget promotion or gaining skills.
- Just show me the money!
- Got me dying inside,
- I’m only nice and polite ‘cause they’re writing in kind,
- It ain’t funny!
- The pain of being after a job, is a pain in the arse, and trust I feel like laughing it off.
VERSE 2:
- I need a job, and a new way that I get paid,
- ‘Cause I can’t survive on my J to the SA,
- Wanna buy my girl things like diamonds, pearls, rings,
- You know? The type of shite that girls dig,
- Guess it’s time that I flick, through the job ads,
- But most of them are blatantly shit,
- 8 until 6??! You’re taking the piss,
- You must be mad, unless you’re paying 40K,
- Mate! Cut the crap!
- I’ll get grafting, ‘cause when the going gets tough,
- If I get going, it’s to go and get drunk.
- Man I probably ain’t got this, I ain’t tripping,
- ‘Cause a lot of these boxes I ain’t ticking.
- But fuck it! Gotta be in it to win it,
- I would apply for my perfect job if it existed,
- I’ve been checking but ain’t ever seen a vacancy for playing PS3 while you’re getting lean and blazing trees,
- Our talk is cheap, looks bleak,
- I ain’t getting through but next thing I know they’re calling me for an interview,
- Now how am I supposed to flex like a work guy? When ******* I thought Excel was a share site.
CHORUS:
- Just show me the money!
- That’s all I want,
- From this never ending hell that I call a job.
- The taxmen are taking it from me,
- I only do it ‘cause it pays the bills,
- Forget promotion or gaining skills.
- Just show me the money!
- Got me dying inside,
- I’m only nice and polite ‘cause they’re writing in kind,
- It ain’t funny!
- The pain of being after a job, is a pain in the arse, and trust I feel like laughing it off.
VERSE 3:
- Today’s the day,
- I usually get up at noon,
- Gotta get out my bed and get on the Tube,
- Don’t think I could do this every flipping day,
- Woke up 3 hours early and I’m 20 minutes late!
- This guy’s late for his interview,
- I’m taking notes, unless he’s perfect, there ain’t a hope.
- He should count himself lucky we give him the time of day,
- Steps through the door and he’s eying up my PA.
- “Can I take your coat?” “I think that chick took it”
- “Would you like a cup of tea?” “Yeah! Milk and 6 sugars.”
- I tell him “Take a seat” but he’s taken mine,
- Feet up on my desk “Yeah! This place is nice!”
- “So, Mr. King. Why you wanna work for us?”
- “I don’t really wanna work but wanna earn some bucks.”
- “Plus I heard about your perks, you’ll pay for my train tickets”
- “And I must say: Your P.A.; great titties!”
- “I’ve seen your CV, can’t hold a job down for 2 months.”
- “That’s cos all of my bosses were absolute cunts!”
- “Said my attitude stunk and I had to do sums.”
- “But you know Excel, that shouldn’t hassle you much?”
- “’Bout my computer skills, I might have exaggerated a bit,
- Can only do the most basic of things,
- Check Myspace for my clique and Facebook for chicks,
- It looks crisp ‘cos I spend all day updating the bitch”
- “Right, let me stop you there, ‘cos it’s clear that you’re not prepared.”
- “Get your coat and get off my chair!”
- “I’ve made my decision, ain’t gonna think it through”
- “Good luck. Don’t call us, we’ll ring you”
OUTRO
- “Hello?”
- “Yes Ky, what’s up man?”
- “I’m cool man! How are you?
- “You had that interview today, innit?” “How did it go?”
- “You know what? I think I knocked their fucking socks off mate!”
- “I’ve just got a good feeling about this one, you know? I’ve been on a lot, but I think this one is the one mate.”
- “For real yeah?”
- “This is like: They were making me tea, buff P,A. It’s in the bag mate!”
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